I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
