Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
