I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
