I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
