dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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