ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
