is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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