Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
