dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
