my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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