There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
