Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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