If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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