He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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