I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
