mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
