if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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