wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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