i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you had me at cake vodka
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
