anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
