she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
