she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
