I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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