the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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