Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
