So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
