Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
