i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
