the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
