so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
