I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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