I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
