i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
