My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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