I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
