I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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