shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
