i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
