i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
