what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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