I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
