Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
