I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
