Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
