Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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