nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
