I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
