Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
