My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
