Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
