I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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