this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
