she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
