i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
